Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter either my radiator leaks or my exhaust
Click on the title to visit Linda's Website.. she has other fun stuff :)
1.WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual
Leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter
Who’s lacking intelligence.
2.WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, Ca. spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
Himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that
The man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, “Please come out and give yourself up.”
3.WHAT WAS PLAN B????
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to
Drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded
To withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in
The cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk
And worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5.DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles has good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t
Control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to
Repeat the words: “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot”, the man shouted, “That’s
Not what I said!”.
6.ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart”.
“Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No!” the man shouted, “This is her husband!”
7.NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of
America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a
Gun…Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8.THE GRAND FINALE!!!!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of
Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter
How hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was
Very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina,
Thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough
Topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine,
The out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up
Choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER…THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in
Place, was the trailer!....
Fart in a Wet Suit!!!!!!
There was a little old lady, who every morning. Stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted:
"PRAISE THE LORD!"
One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell:
"THERE IS NO LORD!"
Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day. One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted:
"PRAISE THE LORD!
Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!
The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.
"PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out.
"HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!"
The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted:
"THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!"
The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted:
"PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!"
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
1/2 Cup Warm Water
1/2 Cup Non-fat Dry Milk
1 Tablespoon Brown Sugar
1/4 Cup Applesauce
1/3 Cup Oil
1 Teaspoon Cinnamon
Mix all ingredients together, then knead dough for 2 mins.
Roll dough out on floured surface...to 1/4 inch thick. Use a bone shaped cookie cutter to cut out your dog bones.
Preheat oven to 300 Degrees. Bake bones on ungreased cookie sheet for 30 mins.
Remove from cookie sheet and cool on wire rack.
Monday, July 21, 2008
This could happen to you!!!!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Got any more tips?'The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. 'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man. 'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your butt, and it won't hurt as much.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
I also took the time to read the what she calls the in-between books.. I kind of like the new male character Diesel... he sounds like a huge Gary Busey type. Hunky :) And a bit on the wild side.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
If you haven't seen it yourself, the general jist of the movie is that two men- one a rich billionaire (Nicholson) & one a blue collar mechanic (Freeman)- meet in the hospital as they both find out they have terminal cancer. They make a Bucket List- stuff they want to do before they kick the bucket. And then they proceed to do all the things on the list together and mark them off as they go along.
Their Bucket List:Witness something truly majestic
My Bucket List:
Build a studio on my property.
Do my Genealogy.
Buy another Sports car.
Learn how to long arm quilt
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
The piglet's owners, Debbie and Andrew Keeble from Thirsk in North Yorkshire, were baffled by her behaviour when she and her siblings were let out into the fields.
While the rest ventured away from their mother, Cinders appeared to suffer from mysophobia, or a fear of mud, and just stood at the edge of her sty shaking.
After a little head scratching, the couple's 12-year-old daughter Ellie suggested kitting the six-week-old saddleback out in tiny footwear.
They asked a designer friend to come up with a bespoke pair of green piggy boots.
Cinders took to her trotterwear so well that she has been recruited to act as a mascot in the campaign to highlight the plight of British pig farmers.
So it seems Cinders' precious nature has saved her from the slaughter house.