Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Starting out the New Year Right!!!


I just wanted to pass along to all of you who are on or are contemplating a diet for your new year's resolution the inherent dangers associated with some types of diets.
Yesterday I was buying a 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Walmart, for my dogs Tatanka, Fatty Matty, Tigger, and Pitty Pat. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time.
On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I wakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and since the food is nutritionally complete I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me.
I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me.

5 comments:

CathyJean said...

ahhh, come on, Marcel!!!! that was way tooooo funny!!:)

Carla said...

P'd my pants again laughing. Gonna have to quit reading your blog or buy depends.

gin said...

is this really true? you have a very interesting life!!

julie isa said...

HYSTERICAL! now i know why betty from spoonsof wisdom loves reading your blog!

fawndear said...

I laughed so hard I cried. Really.
I tried reading this to my teenagers and was laughing so hard I couldn't read the last line. They had to finish it by themselves.
I think I'm going to have killer abs after reading your posts. cause my laughing muscles are getting quite the workout.